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Crash.

Its beautiful.

Created on 2005-05-15 18:49:58 (#7124402), last updated 2009-02-24

97 comments received, 461 comments posted

Basic Account [Gift]

59 Journal Entries, 0 Tags, 3 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 5 Userpics

Basic Info

Name:	crash..its beautiful
Birthdate:	04-01
Location:	Mattawan, Michigan, United States

Bio

Im Nikole.
Im not pretty.
Im not cute.
Im not funny.
And Im not smart.
I lie alot.
But not about you.
About my feelings.
Im fabulous at putting up a front.
I can smile a ray of sunshine while screaming obscenities at you on the inside.
Im not hip.
Im not witty.
And im terrified of being alone.
Im also terrified of being with someone.
Your hair will always be cooler than mine,
and everyone will always laugh harder at your jokes.
I want more than anything to be loved, but as soon as you really do.
I'll get scared and try to run away.
I think I've finally found someone willing to hold on to me tight enough.
I hate drama.
Yet i surround myself with it.
I'll twist to fit you perfectly
if i love you enough.
And i wont look back after i do so.
I never think things through all the way
and act on impulse on way too regular a basis.
I change my entire look at least once a month.
I'll look confident.
And pretend like i dont really care.
But every word you say
has the ability to cut me to the core.
And most likely does.
I cover my insecurities with hair dye, make up, and outlandish behavior.
Im border line anorexic,
but i wont admit it
so i dont worry you.
Im a complete hypocrite.
When i tell you to not hurt yourself,
its because i care.
And i know how bad it gets.
But im one of the most self destructive people.
you will ever know.
I want to be considered "beautiful".
But if you tell me i am.
I wont believe you
under any circumstances.
Your Music is more hardcore and emo.
You look hotter in black eyeliner
than i ever could.
You know all the best thrift stores.
But you go there to find a "cutting edge" top to match your $70 jeans.
I go there because i cant afford much else.
Talking about money makes me self concious.
As does mentioning my style, paying me a compliment, rubbing my stomach, or telling fat jokes.
Im more open minded when it comes to friends than most.
I wont reject you
and i pray you wont reject me.
I bite.
Sometimes.
When im in a bad mood.
I take it out on myself above everyone else.
If i still have residual rage.
And you say the wrong thing.
Ill cut you down.
Ill apologize for it sincerely.
I may say something i dont mean behind your back.
But Ill tell you about it.
Ill pretend to be low maintence,
but Ill usually make you wait about 10 minutes as i finish primping.
I always have a mirror with me.
But its not because im vain.
Its because Im insecure.
I dont have a good grasp on love.
But I know that if i tell you i love you.
Its because i truely care about you.
I cry
far more than any normal person should.
I pretend to be a cat.
Not really.
I just purr.
Im far more than jealous
of you
alot of the time.
I might not admit that to you either.
I could say more.
But Ive Wasted Enough of Your Time.

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